I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
