walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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