dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
