i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
