remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
