That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
