Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
