Dual....:-)
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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