So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
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you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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