physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
