After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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