david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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