Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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