thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
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I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
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I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
you made out with another girl for some wings
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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