The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
