The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
