i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
