i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
