Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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