We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
