Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
