thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
