well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
