Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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