we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
