Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
