If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
