just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
my poor anus
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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