$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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