I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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