after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I have already put on my inside pants.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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