dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
