Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I know her cup size but not her name....
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