when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
