Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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