she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
