I accidentally burped into my bong.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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