Girls should come with a carfax report
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
