I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
