Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think your dad took our porno
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My butt remains clenched, sir.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
