she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
