is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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