So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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