thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
