You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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