Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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