we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
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