we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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