I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
