where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
