I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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