Joe is yelling at the trees again.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
