Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
