You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
