i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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