I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
