9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
