nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
