I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I am naked and annoyed.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
