Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
