Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
