Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
if i died would you start the facebook group?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
