just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's shark week go big or go home
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
