The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
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I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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