Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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