Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
