is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
