Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
