when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
