Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
