i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
