You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
