They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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