so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
