I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
