I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We left an ass print on the piano.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
