On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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