...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
