the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
