Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
